ماچو کباب

بر همگان روشن است که امر کباب، امری خطیر است که تنها توسط مردان و آن هم پس از سالها ممارست و کسب تجربه زیر نظر اساتید امر قابل اجراست. از آنجا که طی سال‌های اخیر، نسوان به علت حضور گسترده در دانشگاه، به این نتیجه‌ی قبیحه رسیده‌اند که در این امر سری نهفته نیست، و هر کسی نیز ممکن است که بتواند سهمی در مراسم کباب جوجه و چنجه بر عهده داشته باشد، این حقیر بر آن شد که با ارائه آخرین متدولوژی کباب، دین خود را به جامعه‌ی مردانه ادا نموده، و همچنین فاصله‌ی تکنولوژیک رجال را با نسوان، در این زمینه حفظ کند. تا که قبول افتد و چه در نظر آید.

// ***********************************************************
// License: GPL v.2 or v.3 (Script Kiddo)
//
// Use of this software is prohibited for women by law,
//   in all and every single corner of the universe.
// No woman is allowed to participate in any form or any way,
//   in this sacred activity, except if she's single and hot.
// ***********************************************************

Program machoKabaab;

Uses
 Sikh,   //Shish, Baabzan, Whatever you call it
 Meat,  //Can be Joojz, Barre, Goosaale, ...
 Manghal,  //Try not to use it for purposes other than Kabaab
 Zoghal,  //-e khoob, but notice above
 machoMen,  //Of utmost importance
 Aragh,  //Preferably Doggy Spirit Manual, at least 300g per man
 Estekan,  //Container for the aforementioned item
 KSher,  //Don't hesitate to use this ingredient excessively
 Namak  //Salt
 ;

procedure SayKSher;
begin
 HaveASipOfAragh;
 ForgetMorality;  // Morality is for wusses
 TellADegradingJoke;  // Be macho, don't be afraid!
end;

procedure IgniteManghal;
begin
 UseZoghal;  // Always joke about refighe khoob, ...
 InviteOthersToDoIt;  // Play a sucker

 if TheyShowedAnyWeakness then
 begin
   // You've got the sucker, so:
   Say('Agha joon zoghal rooshan kardan raa daare, ' +
     'bezaa yaadet bedam!'); //You are so happy
   DoItYourselfExactlyLikeTheFailedMan; //Now you have fire 
                                        //your own way 
 end;
end;

procedure RotateSikhs;
begin
 // To Make  sure you do not forget it, repeat this 
 // statement in your head:
 // *** Kabaab pokhte nagardad magar be gardidan ***

 for each Sikh in SikhCollection do
   Rotate180Degrees;  // Use mitti common style
end;

procedure BadBezan;
begin
 // Please pay attention: This procedure uses a highly 
 // advanced technique to Make sure Kabaab doesn't burn

 while not Bored do
 begin 
   TurnFanLeft;
   SayKSher;
   TurnFanRight;
   SayKSher;
 end;
end;

procedure BekeshBeSikh(AType: TKabaabType);
begin
 case AType of
   ktBark: DoItSlowly;
   ktJoojz: BragAboutYourSelf;
   ktKoobide: KeepYourNoseOutOfIt; 
   //Don't hesitate to tell others that you make
   // the best koobide in this corner of the universe
   ktGowje: TellAJoke;  // The worst jokes ever
 end; 
end;

begin
 // Init the procedure
 AskWomenForMeat; //They have already processed meat with 
                  //Piaz, Zafaroon, and Namak
 if PoorWomenHaveForgottenSalt then
   //You got lucky! Nag, nag, nag!
   raise Exception.Create('Gofte boodam ke gooshto' +
                        'nabas daad daste zan...');

 // Start the procedure
 SayKSher;
 HaveAnEstekOfAragh; // Essential!

 BekeshBeSikh(ktBark);

 SayKSher;
 IgniteManghal;

 SetSikhsOnManghal;  // It's bound to be an argument; 
                     // Every man has his own style
                     // but your's is the best!

 while not KabaabIsReady do
 begin
   BadBezan;  // All men around will mention the critical role 
              // of Fanning on the quality of Kabaab
   SayKSher;
   RotateSikhs;
  
   BottomsUp; // Arrrrrrrghhhhhhh! Bah bah ajab kooftie!
  
   GiveASikhToEachMan; // Bardar mammad agha, bi kabaab ke nemishe
  
   if KabaabIsAlmostReady then
   begin
     BekeshBeSikh(ktGowje);
     SetSikhsOnManghal;
   end;
 end;

 // All is ready, go give women the half burned Kabaab
 // Don't forget to mention that you are the best
 // You also are KHARAB, and are walking ZigZags
end.