مردی که طاقت حماقت را نداشت

جورج کارلین، خفنترین کمدین تاریخ، بدون هیچ شکی، یکی از قهرمانان زندگی من است. سه سال بیشتر نیست که می‌شناسمش، اما نحوه نگاهش به زندگی، زبان و انسان، در بینش من آنقدر تأثیرات ژرف داشته است که بتواند به یک قهرمان بلامنازع تبدیل شود. ماجراجویی‌های این استاد در ارتباطات کلامی، دلیل اصلی‌ای است که باعث شده گاهی از من جملات عجیبی بشنوید! او مردی بود که انسان‌ها را دوست داشت، اما تنها برای مقاطعی کوتاه! خانه‌ی ُپرش یک دقیقه، یک دقیقه و نیم! او هم مانند این شیفته‌اش، تحمل حماقت آدمیزادگان میانمایه را نداشت. و یکی از معدود انسان‌های تریاکی‌ای در جهان که من عمیقاً تحسین می‌کنم.

خوب شد که از نارسایی قلبی مرد. مرگی یک‌ضرب، بدون اینکه غرور و آبروی انسان، با دردی طولانی و بدنی خرد شده خدشه‌دار شود. مرگی عاقلانه و مهربان، برای مردی که مهربانیش عاقلانه بود!
با مرگش، یکی از دلایل مهم من برای دیدن آینده، از میان رفت. چند نقل قولش را می‌گذارم شاید کنجکاو شوید و بروید شو‌هایش را ببینید:

I can't understand why prostitution is illegal: selling is legal, fu##ing is legal! why isn't selling fu##ing legal? In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people, in civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an or.ga.sm!


Why is it, that most of the people who are against abortion, are the people you wouldn't wanna fu## in the first place?


How come when it's us, it's an abo.rtion, but when it is chicken, it's an Omelet? When did we pass chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chicken. See? Nobody can do it!


Hey, if you read history, you'll see that God has been one of major causes of death. Hindus, [...], Jews, Christians all taking turns killing each other just because God told them that it was a good idea!

- You believe in God?
- No
- Doof, dead!

- You believe in God?
- Yes
- You believe in my God?
- No
- Doof, dead! My God has a bigger Di.ck than your God!


To me, war is a prick waving Di.ck-fight! Men are insecure about the size of their Di.cks, so they go to war over it. You don't need to be a historian or a political scientist to see the foreign Di.ck policy at work. It works like this: "What?! They have bigger Di.cks? Bomb them!" And of course, all bombs and the bullets are shaped like Di.cks! It's a subconscious need to project the pen.is into other peoples affairs!


Now that I've come off as a complete pig up here, let me ask a question from men: Are you able to watch a woman eating a Banana, and not thinking about a bl.ow job? I can't! And I know, I'm a sick evil fu##! I know that! I accept that! But I can't do it!


It's the old American double standards, you know: Say something, do something different! This whole country was founded on double standards! It's our history! This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed all the white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they can wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, and move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them place to take off and drop nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese People! You know what the motto of this country outta be? You give us a color, we'll wipe it out!


They want to tell you what you can say on radio and television! The FCC (The federal communication commission, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president) decided all by itself that the radio and the television were the only two parts of the American life not protected by the free speech provisions of the first amendment to the constitution. I'd like to repeat that because it sounds vaguely important! [he repeats it] Why did they decide that? Because they got a letter from a reverend from Mississippi! A reverend Donald Wildman from Mississippi heard something on the radio that he didn't like! Well reverend, did anyone tell you that there are two knobs on the radio? Of course I'm sure reverend is uncomfortable with anything that has two knobs on it! But hey, there are two knobs on the radio: One of them turns the radio off, and the other one, changes the station! Imagine that reverend, you can ACTUALLY change the station! It's called freedom of choice, and is one of the principles this country was founded upon; Look it up in the library reverend, if you have any of them left when you finished burning all the books!